


Home is a Place Where I Yearn to Belong

by k_haruyuki



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Anxious Katsuki Yuuri, Coach Victor Nikiforov, Depression, Eating Disorders, Getting Back Together, Heartbreak, Hospitalization, Hurt Katsuki Yuuri, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insomnia, Inspired by Real Events, Loneliness, M/M, Major Character Injury, Misunderstandings, Poetry, Post-Canon, Protective Lilia Baranoskaya, Protective Yuri Plisetsky, Recovery, Sad Katsuki Yuuri, Separations, Skater Katsuki Yuuri, Skater Victor Nikiforov, Stressed Victor Nikiforov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-15 23:25:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18509209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/k_haruyuki/pseuds/k_haruyuki
Summary: Yuuri remembers the difficulty he had in adapting to Detroit. The language, the university, the climate, the food, the people ... It wasn't easy at all, but he had managed to overcome this gradually by skating, dancing, and the support, specially from his former coach and his best friend, the Thai skater Phichit Chulanont.But St. Petersburg is different. Very different from Detroit.





	Home is a Place Where I Yearn to Belong

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ishipithard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ishipithard/gifts).



> Inspired by Ishipithard ideas Home and Heartbeat.
> 
> The title belongs to the music Home, from Simply Red. 
> 
> SKYES and 'Only You' belong to me. 
> 
> Warning: Mentions of Depression, Eating Disorders and Possibility of Suicide. Writing this Fic was complicated for me, who saw my dear parents divorce and have been abandoned first by my father and second by my mother.That was 6 and half years ago. I still have depression and eat when I'm stressed because I had a very complicated life when I where a children, teen and now, being a adult was very difficult. I plan to talk more about this in my future fic, My Heart, My Soul & My Live.
> 
> Viktor with 'k' because this happens in St. Petersburg.

For Yuuri Katsuki, some things remain the same no matter where he is. His love for music, dancing and ice skating, for example. Not even after the Grand Prix Final in Sochi, where he not only failed due to Vicchan’s death, but also disappointed his country, coach, friends and family, and made him think about retiring from the sport, he managed to reduce love that he has for it. Even when he has depression or even anxiety, he always finds refuge in an ice rink or in a dance studio.

_Thankfully, in Detroit, Celestino allowed Yuuri to have a copy of his ring key and got a studio that would also receive it whenever he needed it._

But Yuuri is not in Hasetsu or Detroit right now.

He is in St. Petersburg, training in Yakov Feltsman’s ice skating rink ,along with other skaters like Yuri Plisetsky, Mila Babicheva, Georgi Popovich and especially, Viktor Nikiforov, who in addition to returning to competitions, is being Yuuri's coach.

 _Did you know that he still doesn’t believe he won a silver medal in Barcelona?_ _Him, I dime-a-dozen skater from Japan?_

Yuuri remembers the difficulty he had in adapting to Detroit. The language, the university, the climate, the food, the people... It wasn’t easy at all, but he had managed to overcome this gradually by skating, dancing, and the support, specially from his former coach and his best friend, the Thai skater Phichit Chulanont.

But St. Petersburg is different. Very different from Detroit. Yuuri speaks a bit of Russia, thanks to the years as a fanboy but has much difficulty in following a normal conversation and especially the Russian writing. The cold weather also does not help much, especially when it snows a lot, something that occurs much more times than he would like. The ice rink is full of people, who are always watching his every move,even touching him when he least expects and he also doesn’t want to bother Coach Feltsman because of his whims. And then there is Viktor.

Viktor, who suddenly decided to be a sterner coach with him, has changed his attitude if compared how he acted in Hasetsu. Even in the apartment, _their home_ , he treats Yuuri as if he were just his student, complaining about his diet, about the time he wakes up, even cursing in Russian, something that Yuuri can understand thanks to Yuri 'Yurio' Plisetsky. He knows that the russian living legend is having a difficult time being both a skater and a coach.

_But he has been wishing lately to not be able to understand and avoid having his heart break more and more._

And Yuuri Katsuki finds himself tired, anxious, stressed and without a place to escape. Soon, the first signs appear. Signs he can hide miraculously from Viktor. Signs like panic attacks, vomiting everything he ate and nightmares. Signs that happen when the Russian living legend is sleeping deep in his own room or busy with his own training. He also started to not talk very much and stopped smiling. He started to lose weight, his skin getting more pale and with black bags on his eyes. Even his stamina is suffering because of it.

And of course this is affecting his trainings. _Of course_ .

**~ x ~**

His whole body hurts. How many times did he fall by jumping the QuadFlip today? _Not even he knows._ What he knows is that he is tired. _Very tired._ He can feel the sweat on his skin slipping, the air coming in and out of his mouth, the cold from where he is lying by his clothes.

"Come on, Yuuri! You have to try again!" Viktor exclaims, approaching him and folding his own arms. "Come on, I don’t have much time to be with you!"

"I'm sorry, Viktor," Yuuri says, standing up with difficulty. "I want to end here for today. You can go back to focusing on your programs. "

Yuuri's hoarse voice attracts the attention of the other skaters who are closest to them, including Mila and Yuri. Yakov, noticing that something is wrong, approaches them on the other side of the barrier.

"What? No, Yuuri. You need to keep training the Flip. You managed to jump perfectly in Barcelona, so how come you can’t jump now? "Viktor complains, not realizing that his loud voice is attracting the attention of everyone there.

"I’m sorry. I just want to go home now. "Yuuri says, biting his lip as he feels crushed by the eyes of everyone watching,

"You can’t run away to Japan every time the situation gets complicated, Yuuri," Viktor says, watching Yuuri flinch.

Not only him, but everyone there. Mila holds her hands in her mouth, wide-eyed. Yuri frowns at him, suddenly becoming more angry and Yakov immediately notices the moment when Yuuri Katsuki's heart shatters.

Viktor looks around with a frown, finally noticing the surprised looks of the others faces. Returning to look at Yuuri, he sees him with the same expression as when he offered him a commemorative photo in Sochi. Yuuri lowers his face and clears his throat.

"I see," he says, breathing deeply and lifting his face, looking at his coach with a fake smile on his face. "Good night, Viktor."

And Victor watches him walk away, not understanding what just happened there. He does not understand Mila's reaction, nor why does Yuri decide to swear at him even more for the rest of his training. Mysteriously, Yakov just watches everything with a serious expression on his face, which leaves Victor worried, after all he is well known for his famous constant screams at them.

**~ x ~**

When Viktor returns to the apartment, he realizes that the lights are off. This should already be a signal to him that something is wrong, but he is too tired to notice. Not even he realizes that Makkachin doesn’t jump at him, as she always did. Instead, the poodle is lying on the couch, sitting on a strange navy blue cloth. Ignoring the guest room closed door of he simply walks into his own bedroom, takes a shower, and goes to sleep.

**...**

Viktor knocks on the closed door twice, already irritated by the fact that his student hasn’t woken up yet.

"Yuuri, it's time to wake up!" He exclaims, beating even more.

He frowns when he doesn’t hear an answer and reaches for the doorknob, surprising her by turning and opening the door.

"Yuuri?" And then he freezes as he notices the neat bed, the cold room and especially the absence of Yuuri's clothing and personal belongings.

_What…_

Immediately, Viktor picks up the cell phone and calls him, being surprised when it goes into the voicemail. He tries again, and again, and again, and again. But the result is the same. Yuuri turn off his phone or something happened to the device. He returns to the living room and notices Makkachin in the same place as yesterday, whimpering over one of Yuuri's shirts, which is a strange behavior on her part. And then, he notices a crumpled white paper in the kitchen’s trash can and bends down to pick it up, disheveled it and immediately recognizing Yuuri's handwriting.

**...**

_New theme: Home_

_Inspiration: Hasetsu, Detroit and St. Petersburg._ _Viktor._

**...**

"What?" Viktor asks, seeing the spaper shake in his hands.

He lifts his cell phone and connects again to Yuuri, again going into the voice mail. _Where is he?_ _Oh my god, is he okay?_ Suddenly the cell phone rings, and he answers without checking who's calling.

"Yuuri ?! Where are you?! "he asks, relieved.

" _What are you talking about, old man?_ _Of course I'm im my home!_ "Yuri Plisetsky replies sharply.

"Yurio, did you see Yuuri?" Viktor asks, worried again.

" _First, that's not my name, bastard._ _What do you mean, I saw Katsudon?_ _He should be there ... ah, shit._ "Yuri's curse makes Viktor frown.

"Yurio?" He asks, listening as the boy lets out a long sigh from the other end of the line.

" _I should have guessed he was going to do something like that._ "The boy says, leaving Viktor confused.

"What do you mean?"

" _Are you really stupid?_ _Yesterday, when Katsudon said he was going home, do you remember what you said to him?_ _About escaping to Japan?_ _I think you've been too busy worrying about yourself that you didn’t even realize what he really meant._ _When he said he was coming home, he was referring to your apartment, you idiot._ "

And Viktor widens his eyes, finally realizing that he is right.

" _Furthermore, I wonder how stressful it must be for him to be in a place that is completely different from what he is accustomed to._ _I remember when I arrived in Japan last year, to go after you, I was scared to see a different language, a different climate, different people._ _You should know that too, after all, the same thing must have happened when you arrived in Japan ..._ "

"But he did not say anything about it!" Viktor exclaims, not understanding what was happening.

" _Didn’t he or did you ever pay attention to him?_ "Yuri asks, and Viktor hears the sound of a door closing on the other side of the line.

"Of course I pay attention to my student!" He exclaims, throwing himself on the couch and putting his hand to his face.

" _So you must have realized that Katsudon's health has gotten worse these past few weeks._ _Yakov even tried to talk to him this week while you were practicing your new free program, but Katsudon didn’t say anything._ _I also listened to Yakov commenting on his mental health, but I didn’t quite understand what he was talking about._ "

Victor freezes, surprised at what he hears. _Has Yuuri's health really gotten worse?_ _How did he not notice?_

But before he could think of anything else, his cell rings with another call, a number he doesn’t recognize.

"Hold on a second, Yurio. Someone's calling me." He says, replacing the call immediately. "Hello?"

" _Mr. Viktor Nikiforov?_ "A woman says, coldly.

"Yes, it's me." he answers, feeling a strange chill in his body.

" _My name is Irina Medvedeva and I'm calling from the Central Hospital._ _Do you happen to know a Japanese man named Yuri Katsuki?_ "

_Hospital?_

**~ x ~**

Yuuri walks through the cold streets of St. Petersburg, carrying a bag with his training item and, a suitcase with clothes and personal items that are very important to him. Using his cell phone, he looks for a cheap hotel, and when he finally finds one, he pays for one night. When he finally enters the room and bolts the door behind him, he slides to the floor and finally begins to cry. He cries for hours, repeating all the time the same name:

"Viktor."

_Oh, he's so tired._

But he needs to bathe and take off his sweaty workout clothes. With difficulty, he gets up and goes to the bathroom, undressing and going to the shower, where he turns on the tap and feels the hot water touch his tired body, making him immediately remember the hot springs, his family, Hasetsu. Suddenly, he slides at the same time that he feels a strong dizziness and everything around him darkens.

**...**

It turns out that when paying for the room, Yuuri ended up not giving enough money to the hotel receptionist, who decided to call the room to warn him about this. When she doesn’t receive an answer, she decides to call the security guard, who, with the master key, goes to the room and knocks on the door twice.

"Sir?" He says, not knowing how to pronounce Yuuri's last name. "I'm going in."

He unlocks the door and the first thing he notices is that the room is tidy, with the exception of the backpack and suitcase right next to the door. He hears the shower on and deduces that the guest is in there.

"Sir? I'm ... "But he goes silent at the sound of a loud noise coming from the bathroom.

He then becomes scared to see an asian young man unconscious, being wet with hot water. Frightened, he tries to wake him up, but after realizing that he has no answer, he picks up his cell phone and calls an ambulance.

**~ x ~**

"The patient's body contains several injuries, especially by his hips, knees, ankles and both his foots. It also shows traces of malnutrition, fatigue, insomnia and a bump in the right part of the head. At the moment, the patient is on medication and nutrient serum as initial treatment, and we need to wait for him to wake up to see if there is any damage that we didn’t find in the exams already done. "The doctor says, frowning as he reads the patient's file. "Doesn’t he have any family around here?"

"No. His family lives in Japan. "Yakov responds, releasing a long sigh.

"Hm. I recommend contacting and arranging for a relative or caretaker to come and take care of the documentation needed to transfer the patient. "The doctor says, making Victor frown.

"What do you mean, transfer?" He asks, noting Yakov paling at his side.

"Are you saying that Katsuki tried to kill himself?" The coach asks, making Victor look at him in surprise.

"And how would you explain the injuries?" The doctor asks, frowning at him.

"Yuuri is a professional ice skater! Of course his body has bruises! "Viktor exclaims, terrified.

"I know how bad athletes injuries should be." the doctor says, gruffly. "And I'm sure that in the case of the patient, he clearly has abused his training and has barely treated the injuries. If coupled with malnutrition and insomnia, then we have a body with low recovery rate. Also, according to your patient's medical history, he has anxiety disorder, which surprises me that he is even an athlete with this kind of problem and this reinforces my opinion of the patient. "

"No. It's my fault that his body is in this state. I wanted to prove to Yakov that I could be a perfect coach for Yuuri and that I could also compete at the same time. "Viktor says, sitting in a chair and bringing both hands to his face. "I was so focused on myself that I didn’t realize how much Yuuri was getting hurt."

"Silly boy. It's not for me that you need to prove something. It’s for yourself." Yakov says, staring at Viktor.

"Yakov! Old Man! "Yuri shouts, approaching the two.

When Lilia Baranoskaya approaches, too, with cold eyes looking from her ex-husband to her ex-pupil, the two end up swallowing very hard.

"Does anyone mind explaining to me why Minako Okukawa's protegee is in a hospital?" She asks coldly.

 _Oh shit._ _Of course Lilia knows Minako._

With a sigh, Yakov tells everything that has happened, and freezes at the sight of her frowning.

"I'm disappointed in you, Yakov, even if that young man isn’t your responsabity. And Viktor. I see that you can’t handle be a coach and be a competitor at the same time. It's better to leave the responsibility of being his coach is in the hands of real professionals, like me and Yakov, and you should focus on your competitions. "Madame Baranoskaya says, scaring the two skaters and the Russian coach. "Also, make sure that Katsuki's stuff is sent to my house, where he will be after being discharged."

"But the transfer ..." The doctor begins to say, shutting himself with her sharp gaze at him.

"Don’t make me repeat." she says, folding her arms.

The doctor nods and withdraws himself, scared.

"Holy shit," Yuri just says, scared and confused by what he just witnessed.

**~ x ~**

The news about Yuuri Katsuki changing coaches takes the world by surprise. Many fans criticized this, claiming that Victor was who should be Yuuri's official coach. Others felt that the Russian living legend shouldn’t be able to hold two positions at the same time. Yuuri wakes up and accepts Lilia's proposals, surprised that she has offered to take the position of his official coach and having Yakov as assistant coach and moves to her mansion, moving in with Yuri and Yakov.

Victor, seeing himself in his apartment, realizes how much he misses Yuuri and Hasetsu. Yuuri begins therapy, strengthens her body and learns Russian with her help. Yuri moves to Victor's apartment one week later, taking possession of the room formerly owned by the Japanese skater. Victor knows the real reason for this, and sees himself grateful and guilty because the man who taught him to live and love still cares about him enough to ask the teen to be with him.

_And he was about to lose Yuuri, forever ..._

He, who planned to skate under the theme 'Restart', decides to change his theme, songs and choreography, because he didn’t feel comfortable skating a theme that he created focused on himself and made him ignore Yuuri anymore. In the Russian National Championship, he announces his new theme as 'Home', using as a free program a song belonging to a Japanese band that Yuuri likes, called SKYES, called 'Only You'.

In Japan, alongside Madame Baranoskaya and Minako, Yuuri announces his theme as 'Dreamer', to Victor's surprise. Using an original composition by Ketty and the song 'History Maker' by japanese singer Dean Fujioka, he not only reaches the Grand Prix Final but also wins the tournament with a difference of 2.6 for Yuri Plisetsky, silver medalist and 6.4 for Viktor Nikiforov, bronze medalhist. From the top of the podium, Yuuri removes the gold medal from his neck and kneels in front of Viktor, offering it to him.

"You told me you would marry me if I won gold in the Grand Prix Final. So if you still want ... "But Yuuri is interrupted by being hugged by Victor, who cries as he accepts the request, ending with a kiss.

"Only you, Yuuri, I just want you."

"Idiots," Yuri says, though he is looking at them with a smile on his face.

**~ x ~**

_I believe that I can be a person_

_Much better than I am today, yes_

_All because I have you by my side_

_My guardian angel, my dear love_

 

_Do you believe that I'm perfect like this?_

_Just the way I am, just being myself?_

_This makes me very happy, and at the same time_

_Makes me want to be better, just for you._

 

_You taught me not to give up anything._

_To always fight for my own dreams_

_Only you make my life perfect_

_And there is nothing that can change any of this_

 

_Only you can fill my heart._

_Only you can truly love me_

_Only you…_

 

_I love you, my only true love_

_I love you, much more than you think_

_I love you, my only true love_

 

_I don't even want to imagine what it would be like to live_

_Without you to be with me, by my side_

_Only you make my life perfect_

_And there is nothing that can change any of this_

 

_Only you can fill my heart._

_Only you can truly love me_

_Only you…_

 

_I love you, my only true love_

**~ The End ~**


End file.
